Bertillon's curse
Before he had to go to bed, little John West zipped
through the family home, checking if all his ghost traps were still activated.
As he had been doing this every night for three years now, this was a quick
undertaking. John was absolutely sure that their New England home in
Leavenworth was haunted. Sometimes at night, he heard these inhuman wailing cries. He wasn’t
scared though. On the contrary, he was really curious and put all his effort
into catching the ghost.
This particular night, when the clock
struck twelve, he suddenly woke up. Still confused he rubbed his
eyes and suddenly realized that a milky-white figure was sitting on his
window-sill. “What are you?” John stuttered. “How rude!” the ghost growled.
“Sorry, who are you?” John’s voice was cracking with excitement. “I, I am the father of
forensics. I am the famous Alphonse Bertillon” the ghost said as he lent back
and crossed his legs. “Bertillonage, how does that sound, boy? Fantastic, does it not?
"Bertillonage is a system with which
criminals can be identified by having 11 different body measurements taken and
recorded. You know, people always thought I was a bit odd, unsociable and
simple-minded but I created this ingenious identification system that was used
in criminal institutes worldwide. With Bertillonage I put an end to repeat
offenders masquerading as someone innocent and getting away with mild
punishments. I thought the system infallible. You know what the odds of two
people having the exact same measurements are? One to 4,191,304! Ingenious, I
know. Bertillonage finally got me the praise I deserved.
"However, in 1903 your great-grandfather,
Will West, put an end to my glory days. When he was caught, an officer took his
measurements and identified him as the repeat offender William West. When your
great-grandfather denied having been arrested before, the police officer turned
the record over and saw that William West was already an inmate of the prison.
"Then those fingerprinting people
were summoned and established what my Bertillonage could not – that Will and
William West were in fact two different people. Afterwards, Bertillonage was
disregarded as unreliable and replaced by fingerprinting. The thing is that
your great-grandfather’s case was an exception because he and William were
actually twin brothers! If they had just admitted that my system would not have
been called a failure!" [392]
Dear all,
AntwortenLöschenhere some feedback on your text :)
-I REALLY like the introduction of your text. The first two paragraphs definitely caught my attention which is extremely important considering we are writing a narrative text. But then you just jump into the story which was actually very confusing for me. In my opinion there is a weak link between the second and third paragraph.
-Why are there inverted commas at the beginning of the last three paragraphs?
I would use rather “unusual” than “odd” in this sentence “You know, people always thought I was a bit odd, unsociable and simple-minded….”
-Correct me if I am wrong but there are no “criminal institutes”. I suggest to use “law enforcement” here.
-This sentence should be modified “With Bertillonage I put an end to repeat offenders masquerading as someone innocent and getting away with mild punishments”.
-“I thought the system infallible” -> I thought the system “IS” infallible.
-I would write “arrested” instead of “caught” here “When he was caught, an officer took his measurements and identified him as the repeat offender William West.”
-What do you mean with “fingerprinting people”? I would rephrase the whole sentence.
“Bertillonage” should be in italic
-“The thing is that your great-grandfather’s…” What thing??
-In my opinion you should have written more about the story Will and William West as it actually was the main task.
Kind regards,
Katja
Thank you for your detailed feedback Katja :)
AntwortenLöschen